someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
