I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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