Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
