After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
