I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
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getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
that is very illegal...i love you.
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