My friends, they love my intelligence
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
