summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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