Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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