Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
