So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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