Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
