FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
