Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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