He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
