Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
