oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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