mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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