after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
