Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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