where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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