I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
