Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
