I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
