would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
