She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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