I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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