you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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