hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
