dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
