is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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