Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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