i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
