There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
