i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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