And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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