Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
