I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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