my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
