his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
