Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
