Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
