at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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