bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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