I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
