my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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