She announced her abortion via fbk
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
