I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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