Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
