I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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