you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
