Sponge bath it is.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
