i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
