just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
