You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
