I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
