I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
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koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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