Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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