I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
