I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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