So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
