First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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