I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
