go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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