this beer tastes like vomit already
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
