I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
