all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
