I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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