what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
