My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
